My daughter called, early California time, " Mom, something terrible happened to me."
She said, "I was fired!"
They were rather heartless in the way they told her to leave, although not fired, as she was never hired. I reminded her that she was done with her nonpaying Internship last week and they needed to bring in new Interns.
She now has graduated from Le Cordon Bleu and should get her certificate in November. She can now look for a full time paying job.
Due to her mental illness and having been so lost in mental facilities for years, she had lost some of her confidence. Now she is forced into the working world. I completely understand that feeling.
I was definitely clueless with no confidence on how to maneuver through the work force. Although, my daughter is more fragile than I, at this point in her life; and she is always second guessing herself. She calls me several times a day to reconfirm her decision.
I told her that getting fired is not always a bad thing; it can be the best thing to happen to her when she is not listening to her gut feeling. She sensed her Internship had ended when they started giving her errands that were not related to her skills. Her employers are not sophisticated when it comes to terminating Interns and they had told her to just " stop coming to work." Although the school's criteria for an Internship is 6 weeks, there was no date specific in writing.
There once was a time when I thought getting fired was horrific. Now, I wished I had gotten fired on the first day; even better, NEVER HIRED in the first place. I thought a job would turn into a career once I found the right niche. Finally, I just resigned myself that God put me on the wrong planet because I never did find that niche; but it was because I did not listen to my gut feelings.
Maybe we should use our gut feeling in work situations. You know that saying: The writing is on the wall. I never paid attention to the wall, although I knew it was there.
That psychology test I took in college brings back memories of using my gut feeling.
The professor thought he would have some fun by giving us a test on traditional beliefs. Comments we had heard from our parents or relatives while growing up.
Realizing all the beliefs on the quiz sounded familiar because they were well worn, my gut feeling told me that they were either 'all true' or 'all false.'
At the end of the test, the professor asked the class, "How many of you believe 5 of these beliefs are true out of the 25?" Some students raised their hand. He continued questioning the class, changing the possibilities. Students continued to raise their hand.
Watching this process, only reconfirmed my gut feeling: all the beliefs were either true or false because he did not single out any one belief as being true or false.
I was the Only One in class who raised my hand when
he asked, "Who thinks these beliefs are All True?
he asked, "Who thinks these beliefs are All True?
I was the only student that answered every statement consistently. Consistently wrong, according to the professor.
It was more important for me to stay true to my convictions (gut feelings) by marking 'true' down the line on every statement. Why wouldn't these 'traditional beliefs' be TRUE at some point in Time? Why would someone repeat something for hundreds of years if there wasn't a smidgen of truth. Maybe, they didn't and still don't have the science to prove it; so it becomes a belief. Maybe, we are living in a matrix society ( an organizational structure in which two or more lines of communication may run through the same individual.) in which we realize we come from the past and these 'traditional beliefs' did help us into the present.
I believe in guardian angels. They help me drive my car because I am not mechanically apt. There is no scientific proof they exist. It's my gut feeling and it works for me.
Kristine brushed herself off and hit the sidewalks handing out her resume to chefs who worked at popular restaurants in NYC. The pastry chef at Gotham restaurant asked Kristine if she wanted to intern or have a job. Kristine told her she wanted to intern to see if she could handle the hours. For 2 days, 12pm to 10pm; and one day from 6pm to 1am she will follow the pastry chef and work. She called us in France to say, "that job kicked my ass." She made lots of rolls and
pie crusts. Sunday, a day off, she took a knitting class.
Although she is fearful she may not be able to handle the work load, she is busy staying active which keeps her out of the park, smoking. She sounds upbeat.
As I write this, I know our government 'sucks' at creating jobs and I am waiting for 2012 when we have another government that is more responsive to the lack of job positions in the country. In the meantime, you may not want to be fired until then. Just a gut feeling I have.
Relying on a pay check, also, puts us in a position to accept abusive behavior and emotional stress when our gut tells us we should leave that material security for our emotional security.
While I tell my daughters that they need to work, I also tell them that they should not tolerate abusive behavior in their work environment.
While I tell my daughters that they need to work, I also tell them that they should not tolerate abusive behavior in their work environment.
Incivility is rising: "In August, there was a flurry of press coverage around what the American Psychological Association deemed as an increase in “workplace incivility,” or a form of organizational deviance characterized by behaviors that violate respectful workplace norms – aka rudeness.
Weber Shandwick and Powell Tate’s Civility in America 2011 poll reported 43 percent of Americans as saying they’ve experienced incivility at work, and 38 percent as believing that the workplace is increasingly disrespectful. Sixty-seven percent of respondents cited a critical need for civility training.
Being fired, I learned over the years can be an opportunity to advance out of a hostile environment or an opportunity to find the right career. We are often tied to that feeling of security: a pay check; in spite of our emotional well being or gut feelings. My daughter's gut feelings were well sounded, but she ignored them, also. She wasn't growing, but becoming stagnant in that environment after 6 weeks and it was time to move on.
Kristine brushed herself off and hit the sidewalks handing out her resume to chefs who worked at popular restaurants in NYC. The pastry chef at Gotham restaurant asked Kristine if she wanted to intern or have a job. Kristine told her she wanted to intern to see if she could handle the hours. For 2 days, 12pm to 10pm; and one day from 6pm to 1am she will follow the pastry chef and work. She called us in France to say, "that job kicked my ass." She made lots of rolls and
pie crusts. Sunday, a day off, she took a knitting class.
Although she is fearful she may not be able to handle the work load, she is busy staying active which keeps her out of the park, smoking. She sounds upbeat.
As I write this, I know our government 'sucks' at creating jobs and I am waiting for 2012 when we have another government that is more responsive to the lack of job positions in the country. In the meantime, you may not want to be fired until then. Just a gut feeling I have.
You may want to read: “The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t.”
After reading the reviews, this book doesn't give solutions, as much as educating you on what "assholes" sound like in the workplace; and maybe, you could be one, too; but the point is: be aware of your environment and how it can harm you emotionally.
5 Ways to Stop Self Guessing Yourself
1. Test them against your values.
So many times we have to make decisions without a framework and no way to judge between two choices. When faced with a tricky decision it’s often a good idea to line up your choices and ask “Which one of these most honors the things that mean the most to me?”
The decision that’s most in line with the things that mean the most to you – your core values – will be the best decision for you. That might not be the simplest or most practical, but because it fits with who you are and what’s most important to you it will always be the best decision for you.
2. Trust your gut.
When I was growing up I used to love rainy Sunday afternoons watching Columbo, especially the bit at the end where he’d sidle up to the Bad Guy, say “Just one more thing” and then proceed to blow apart the bad guys alibi. Just brilliant.
What Columbo had bundles of was a great trust in his intuition. In every episode, from the very moment he first meets the bad guy, he knows ‘whodunnit’ – and he always trusts that.
So look at what your intuition tells you is the ‘right’ decision for you. Forget about all the “What if’s” and the myriad, tiny details – what is your gut telling you? Listen to your intuition, it knows what it’s talking about.
3. It just doesn’t matter.......
It’s easy to get wrapped up in second guessing yourself, going round in circles and over-complicating things, when – if you get right down to it – it just doesn’t matter. Going round in circles is only going to make you dizzy, so stop it. Ask yourself this question – if your future happiness wasn’t dependent on your decision (and it isn’t, by the way), which way would you go?
4. Have enough information.
Go and get the facts before you make a complex decision. By all means weigh up the pro’s and con’s so that you can get an understanding of what’s behind a choice. But be careful – there’s a huge difference between knowing enough to make a choice, and knowing everything to make a choice.
When you feel yourself pursuing every fact or every piece of information before you make a decision, stop yourself. Ask “What do I really need to know to make this decision?” and focus your efforts on getting the best information relatively quickly, rather than pursuing all of the information you could get your hands on given a longer period of time.
5. Respect your doubts.
We all naturally shy away from change, and we’ve developed a whole bunch of tricks that make it easy for us to avoid making decisions and stay exactly where we are. That part of you is often called the “Gremlin”, and it’s the part of you that would rather avoid making decisions altogether rather than run the risk of making a bad one or screwing up.
Your Gremlin is not the same thing as having doubts, which are valid concerns about a possible course of action, or reasonable concerns about what might be in store. Your doubts can help you prepare for change and get ready for what could happen.
Your Gremlin is adept at feeding on your doubts and using them to get you to stay put, so knowing the difference between your Gremlin and your valid doubts helps you clarify what’s real and what’s imagined, what’s relevant and what’s irrelevant.
So many times we have to make decisions without a framework and no way to judge between two choices. When faced with a tricky decision it’s often a good idea to line up your choices and ask “Which one of these most honors the things that mean the most to me?”
The decision that’s most in line with the things that mean the most to you – your core values – will be the best decision for you. That might not be the simplest or most practical, but because it fits with who you are and what’s most important to you it will always be the best decision for you.
2. Trust your gut.
When I was growing up I used to love rainy Sunday afternoons watching Columbo, especially the bit at the end where he’d sidle up to the Bad Guy, say “Just one more thing” and then proceed to blow apart the bad guys alibi. Just brilliant.
What Columbo had bundles of was a great trust in his intuition. In every episode, from the very moment he first meets the bad guy, he knows ‘whodunnit’ – and he always trusts that.
So look at what your intuition tells you is the ‘right’ decision for you. Forget about all the “What if’s” and the myriad, tiny details – what is your gut telling you? Listen to your intuition, it knows what it’s talking about.
3. It just doesn’t matter.......
It’s easy to get wrapped up in second guessing yourself, going round in circles and over-complicating things, when – if you get right down to it – it just doesn’t matter. Going round in circles is only going to make you dizzy, so stop it. Ask yourself this question – if your future happiness wasn’t dependent on your decision (and it isn’t, by the way), which way would you go?
4. Have enough information.
Go and get the facts before you make a complex decision. By all means weigh up the pro’s and con’s so that you can get an understanding of what’s behind a choice. But be careful – there’s a huge difference between knowing enough to make a choice, and knowing everything to make a choice.
When you feel yourself pursuing every fact or every piece of information before you make a decision, stop yourself. Ask “What do I really need to know to make this decision?” and focus your efforts on getting the best information relatively quickly, rather than pursuing all of the information you could get your hands on given a longer period of time.
5. Respect your doubts.
We all naturally shy away from change, and we’ve developed a whole bunch of tricks that make it easy for us to avoid making decisions and stay exactly where we are. That part of you is often called the “Gremlin”, and it’s the part of you that would rather avoid making decisions altogether rather than run the risk of making a bad one or screwing up.
Your Gremlin is not the same thing as having doubts, which are valid concerns about a possible course of action, or reasonable concerns about what might be in store. Your doubts can help you prepare for change and get ready for what could happen.
Your Gremlin is adept at feeding on your doubts and using them to get you to stay put, so knowing the difference between your Gremlin and your valid doubts helps you clarify what’s real and what’s imagined, what’s relevant and what’s irrelevant.
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