Mental Illness: I Got a Call

I got a call from my oldest daughter who is living in Massachusetts
on a farm. She is living with mental illness and seems to be improving day by day. The miracle drug for her is Clozapine when all else failed.

She is always in a good mood these days; always thinking about coming home, but unlike her feelings from the past, she speaks with some caution. In the past, she never wanted to stay in Massachusetts. She feels she is a California girl. This is the first time I heard her say she is very happy where she is because she feels sane and she doesn't want to pop that bubble. She is more aware of her illness and her vulnerability. She is glad to be coming home in July; but she is not ready to come home today. She fears that this feeling of sanity that feels so good will disappear if she leaves the place where she acquired this new feeling.

I have always had the same concerns about her coming home to California. The environment for the mentally ill in the Los Angeles area is very hostile.
I feel she is better off living in Massachusetts; if only because I feel the psychiatrists in Massachusetts are more in tune to Kristine's problem and extremely helpful in getting Kristine back to where she can be productive and happy.

I do worry about the bad vibes of the Los Angeles area. I started believing in bad vibes after visiting San Francisco a few times. Something strange happens to me that makes me think it's not a good place for me; just like bad things happen to Kristine whenever she was in Los Angeles.  Although I know it's the mental illness in combination to the environment.  I believe any environment plays a large role in one's sanity. Coming back to a place that has bad feelings will be a test.

I am glad to hear her say that she wants to get on with her life in a positive way by dropping all those so-called friends from her past who were not there for her.  She often chose her friends unwisely and I am hoping she has the wisdom to be more selective; although most people have trouble choosing friends that are loyal. Today in this rat race, we tend to gravitate more and more to superficial friends because we don't take the time to get to really know anyone.

She is nervously awaiting a written test that she will be taking for the Le Cordon Bleu school this Friday. The California school is sending the exam to her counselor in Massachusetts so she won't have to wait until July to take it.  She wants to be in the August classes.  One thing I can say about
Le Cordon Bleu; they are extremely aggressive. It's good Kristine knows this and is cautious. This is their third attempt to try to get Kristine into their school. In the past, Kristine told them she was not quite ready to start. She was only interviewing, not applying.  She still has some anxiety and she is not afraid to let them know.

It's been very pleasant to talk to her. She is always so grateful for every encouraging, loving word we have for her. She seems down to earth and not so overly excited with grandiose ideas. She is only focused on taking that exam and keeping her wits about her.

Her guardian angels are watching over her and have kept her from harm numerous times or she would not be here today.
It's not a miracle.  It's just Life taking a toll on a soul and a human desire to live.