Tangerine Trees and Marmalade sky moments

After a five year long, I think, could be four and a half,  stay at McLean Hospital, Appleton House in Belmont and at Gould Farm in Monterey, Massachusetts; both of which have a home environment for mentally ill people, Kristine feels it is time for her to set some goals and move on. She is coming home  for good.  She is calling often to tell us the latest news about her progress and talks about her future goals. She would not have gotten this far without the managed cared she received, including her medication.

At these privately funded mentally ill residential facilities the patients are called 'guests.' If you are paying an arm and a leg for private residential living; they can afford to call you a "guest," instead of a patient. I can't help laugh every time I hear that word; but I know it's common sense to make patients feel it's a home away from home and not a ward or lock up. There are no bars and 'guests' can come and go freely after all their chores and meetings are completed. They do take a breathalyzer test when they come back to their 'guest' home to make sure they were not having too much fun on the town.

Here I am worrying the whole week because as soon as I closed my eyes to sleep my husband says that
Kristine wants to drink alcohol occasionally.  I tossed and turned all night thinking about it because
I remembered Kristine drinking and she acts just like anyone who drinks although it is worse when it's a mentally ill person. Drinking could cause death by overdosing on prescription medications. We hear about it all the time with famous people who die on prescription drugs and alcohol. Or drinking can keep her from remembering to take her daily medications which creates a bad case scenario for anyone trying to control their mind and moods through drugs.

My husband tells me not to say anything to Kristine about her wanting to drink when she comes home. Don't antagonize her to the point she will retaliate. That's the difference between him and me. I always bring up the subject. My daughters always come back with the comment:  I called you to see how you are doing and you do nothing but nag at me. I am going to hang up now.
My response is always the same too: That's my job. No one else is going to tell you what you don't want to hear. That's the mom's job as lousy as it is.

Kristine called to tell me that she sent me a book that she is reading Eat Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  It's a spiritual journey of a woman who traveled through Italy, India and Indonesia.  I asked her how she heard about it. She said she heard other guests at the farm talking about it and she bought it when she was downtown.
I had also sent her a book about a Yogi I heard about from a cigarette vendor, a Middle Eastern Indian, naturally. He stopped smoking and drinking after reading the yogi book.

The Yogi, came highly recommended; highly because George Harrison, the Beatle, is already high in the sky having passed away and he is probably with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,  the Beatles song
       "...picture yourself in a boat on a river,
       With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
       Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
       A girl with kaleidoscope eyes....."

specifically for someone on drugs.

It's really a meditation book to help Kristine have more coping techniques to survive in the world without anxiety; one of her symptoms.

Our conversation goes from spiritual guidance straight into " why do you want to screw up your whole life by wanting to drink?"
I am an adult. I only want one drink to calm my nerves. I like the taste. Whine, whine whine.

I said to her that she will be destroying everything she worked for in her life, if she goes down that path.  Because she can't drink alcohol I have decided to cut back on my drinking habits too.  I feel better and I have more energy. I am in more control of my life. Even so-called, normal people cannot control themselves when they drink.
If she thinks she is an adult, then she will have to get herself out of the psyche ward when she makes bad choices; because I am not getting her out, anymore when she is self-destructive.  Nag, nag, nag.

Naturally, it ended up on a bad note. Naturally, my husband said: I knew you would bring it up.
Well, I am not him. I won't wait until she is drunk to tell her we will not continue to support her. I think she should know the rules before the problem comes up.

It reminds me of what Pelosi said about passing the ObamaCare Bill: "we have to pass the bill (we have to create a problem) so that you can find out what is in it, (and fix it later) away from the fog of the controversy. ..."

I know that God lets the mentally ill run the country, if not the entire world; while all the sane people are locked up in sanitariums. All anyone has to do is look at the decisions that our government is making in regard to the national debt and the oil spill in the Gulf.
HOLY SMOKES !
Even I am ready for 'a boat ride on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies' and some freaky girl 'with kaleidoscope eyes.....'

Kristine said she really enjoys reading about Elisabeth's spiritual journey about gurus and yogis and I think she continued reading the book after we hung up because she called the following day and said to me:

  " I am sorry I upset you when I talked about wanting to drink. I feel it's taking me this long to get better and I don't want to mess it up. I would prefer to not drink so you can have your sanity, mom.

I feel privileged that I can come home for good and I am looking forward to being home."