Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.
I thought I would be honest.
It just came to me, while I was mulling over in my brain, how all these years of living, nothing has changed in the relationship between men and women. Maybe some things because of government laws, but not in the department of understanding the opposite sex.
I have heard repeatedly from young women that lots of men still like to play games when it comes to relationships; and so do some women. Does that ever change? No.
I think men and woman try to figure out what the other sex is thinking or what the other, is going to do using their own imaginary hypothesis to react to or plan a strategy; instead of just 'going with the flow."
I didn't realized how my husband was manipulating me until I was in a conversation with my daughter about one of her old boyfriends. I can't believe I fell for that manipulative cue. It was subconsciously acted and reacted for years. Like being brain dead. So I started retaliating by countering his remarks with, "You are making no sense. You are accusing me of something you do all the time."
This rut usually happens with married couples who subconsciously get in the habit of reacting to old cues they repeatedly received from their spouse. Although, there are many couples who know the game that is being played on; and by them; not in a malicious way; that like it because there is 'no guessing'; the roles are established, but Not so with new and young relationships.
Consciously and subconsciously the opposite sex will use whatever it takes to get what they want; thus the game. Sometimes they are not aware of using tactics; they are only aware that the response to that tactic works for them; until the other one catches on. Then the game is over and so is the relationship, sometimes.
A good example was the date I had with a fellow lieutenant in the Air Force. He decided playing his own game; all by himself. He did not call me for two weeks after one date. When he did call, only then was he honest. He said he was "teaching me a lesson" because on our first date he had gotten mad at me for accepting an invitation to sit with my friends at the club. He chose to go to the place where I always had lunch with my friends; but he wanted our own table. I didn't know it was an intimate date; considering the club is always a crowded rowdy place.
Then he asked me what I was doing now; as if nothing was wrong with his controlling behavior.
I told him that I got engaged while sitting around waiting for his call. With that, he was very sorry and quickly got over his anger and took me out for a "last" goodbye lunch.
My theory to an uncomplicated relationship has always been to be myself come hell or high water because I am not clever enough to figure out what someone is thinking or going to do. I am always shocked that anyone would do or think other than want I expect of them.
I remember a college date asking me if I wanted onions on my hamburger. I remember thinking at the time: What kind of question is that? Of course, I want onions on my burger. Years, and I mean years later, it dawned on me that he was "planning" the kiss. I wasn't thinking that far in advance. If only he knew that God had already planned everything when it comes to relationships. If we were meant to kiss; let nature take it's course. Instead of trying to control what I was eating; if he just ate his onions; we would taste the same.
Who thinks of these rules? Life is hard enough without making up games that are not based on plain ole' honesty and human caring.
I think the reason people are not comfortable being themselves in new relationships is because everyone has different expectations and if two people are not in sync at the same moment with the same feelings for each other; it can be embarrassing or a major disappointment.
How about the guy I dated in college, maybe 3 times, who came back from Vietnam a year later. He showed up at my mother's house wanting to find me because he was ready to get married. If my mother had not told him that I was married, he probably would have found me. I have no clue who he was because my mother did not remember his name. No synchronization there.
No one can tell when that synchronization will happen. I think that is why people play games: it's all about manipulating the other person, if only to bring that person closer to them for the purpose of synchronizing a relationship. But as God planned; manipulating someone works against you.
No matter how many times I tried my hand at manipulating a situation, it always backfired. God's way of telling me that I am NOT in control of someone Else's Life.
It's a universal gamble when everyone is on their own time schedule for relationships to occur; it's very personal and individualized. There is no need to play games unless you want to be miserable for the rest of your life. Life adds enough misery in relationships as it is. If you were meant to be together; you will be synchronized some day with that person; if not today. It is already set in your DNA.
I always let those few men in my life know exactly how I felt at that moment. I was never one for a lack of embarrassing myself, from that other person's view point; and it never phased me, speaking honestly from my heart.
Being honest feels so much better than playing the game with men who are not in sync with me because the embarrassment is less painful than the dishonesty.
I am the only person I have control over and it is empowering.
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