Yesterday, Kristine, was having more anxiety than I thought would be possible since having increased her Clozapine to 300 MG. The 25 MG increase, at first, calmed her down and decreased her anxiety.
Lately, she has been feeling the urge to get a job; probably because I talk about it since it's the next step after graduating from La Cordon Bleu.
She has self doubts and questions some of her actions, which helps me guide her more easily to her next goal.
The increase in Clozapine, also, made her personality slightly flat. She quietly sits to crochet, more drawn inside herself, as if, deep in thought.
There are times when she doesn't respond to me when I ask her a question. Probably because I talk to her a lot, if only, to see if she is still alive inside that brain of hers.
Although, she has motivation and is always busy doing something; the added medication draws her more inward to where she likes to be alone; and the added anxiety for finding a job, makes her want to smoke and talk to her good voices, more than usual. Occasionally, I see her smiling to herself.
I think her anxiety will subside, as of today, because she realized the top places that she has chosen to work, are not hiring now.
In the meantime, while waiting for job openings and responses to some of her contacts, she is busy creating artwork. That is what mental illness did to her. It switched her brain around from being interested in and having a degree in marketing and business to wanting to create works of art. She has been on a roller coaster ride of creative activities.
She is a perfectionist when it comes to doing the project; except towards the end when she loses interest in putting the final touches on some things; like putting a backing on her rugs. I think it's the illness and the anxiety that makes her want to keep moving onto something else; never stopping until she's tired and falls to sleep.
All her efforts go into gifts for friends and family members. That's why I encourage her to get a job so she can pay for all these projects. I probably add to her anxiety. What are mothers for?
Last January we took her to a quilting shop that my husband and I had visited, in Whitefish, Montana, a very small, artsy, western town where we plan to retire, some day. That's where she got the bug. Kristine decided she wants to learn quilting; besides, having learned to needlepoint, crochet, knit and bake.
When we first entered the shop, my husband said to me, " I love these quilts. You should start quilting."
I said, " What do you mean, I should start quilting? Since you like them so much, you should take the class."
I have no interest in sewing. Although people make beautiful and functional things by sewing, crocheting, knitting, I personally think of it as mindless, repetitious work
to get to the end result.
When I paint a picture, every stroke is different. It was when I drew my orange tree that I thought my brain would explode from the repetitiveness of drawing the leaves over and over.
So on this windy California day, Kristine and I venture out to the local quilting shop. Janet is very easy going and patient with Kristine, considering she came into the shop with no experience and a grandiose idea for making a quilted comforter with a sailboat on it.
Before we got to the shop, Kristine had the idea that she would make it on her own; after all, she said, " It's not rocket science."
As she listened to the quilting teacher explain all the details, Kristine was convinced to start out with a pillow and signed up for a class.
We headed for Staples for a larger copy of her sailboat pattern.
As boring as it sounds, we went grocery shopping where Kristine always thinks of something to make for her next baking project. This time it's a strawberry pie. Her dad said he never heard of a strawberry pie.
Bakeries have all kinds of berry pies, but have we ever seen a strawberry pie?
Strawberry and rhubarb pies are delicious, but there are no rhubarbs any where.
The grocery guy told us that people have stopped buying rhubarbs and he's surprised they don't stock any, not even in the freezer.
There's a story behind the missing rhubarbs, but don't ask me, I can't remember what the guy said...it was that interesting.
I am fairly sure that the consistency of the strawberries do not lend themselves to pies; thus, the added rhubarbs which are firmer and hold up better.
I am just guessing, as it reminds me of the time when I was in college. My mother gave me some strawberries to take to school. I decided to mail them in a box to a guy I was dating. After receiving them, he said to me over the phone, " I think you are suppose to refrigerate strawberries."
I cannot, even, imagine what they looked like when he opened the un-refrigerated
container I sent them in.
In those day, I knew nothing about cooking or food preparation; but, I did know how to put on my makeup, which was far more important than knowing how to cook.
At least, I could get a date who would take me to a restaurant where I would not have to cook.
I don't know where I lost that priority.
It will be interesting to see how that strawberry pie turns out.
No comments:
Post a Comment