I came across an online article written by a newly divorcee.Viewers on the site
did not have any sympathy for her because she said it was the "perfect"
marriage that she walked away
from after nine years.
Viewers discussed two issues: Passion and Divorce
Passion
After nine years of marriage, she decided to divorce her loving,
dependable, wonderful husband
because she was "not self-fulfilled," as she said; although, she
had a good job and a lovely home.
After she walked away from it all, she was very depressed.
She decide to start over again by going back to her hometown to
begin a new life. The other life that she thought she should have had.
I thought: If she had children, she would
have been too busy to worry about her so called 'empty life.'
One viewer commented that he felt that
she did not have that intense, excited feeling for her husband,
called passion, as she had everything else.
I replied to this viewer: I agree with you that she
probably was missing the 'passion' in her relationship.
The one ingredient missing, in her so called "perfect marriage,"
although she did not say it or admit to it.
Passion, alone, doesn't work. Just look at Elisabeth Taylor and her 8 marriages.
Richard Burton and she had plenty of passion; so much so, that they married each other twice.
One viewer commented that she had a once passionate, first marriage, but he became an addict.
Her second marriage is much better, although, she is not passionately
in love with her husband. He makes her very happy.
Happiness trumps passion.
The extra ingredient of 'passion' in one's relationship
does make a big difference.
Passion in a relationship can
hold the relationship together long enough for all the other problems to
be ironed out; or until, they kill each other: a common News item.
Young women have asked me, " I am getting older and
I want to marry soon. I love one
guy passionately, but he is not dependable. The other guy is very dependable and supportive;
he loves me and wants to get married. I love him, also; but not passionately.
What should I do?
I generally tell them to wait.
They don't have to make a decision when they are not sure.
The right guy, may, or may not come along some day; but when
he does, she should know; if only because she does not
know now. All marriages take work. It is Rocket Science.
Divorce
The Divorcee became depressed because her new life of
being alone was not what she had
expected. She actually said that she
had wished her husband had left her; because, in this way,
she could blame him for her misery. The entire divorce
experience had taken a
toll on her spirit.
My advice before getting a divorce
Two things to Remember about Divorce:
1) Being divorced can feel like a death in the Family.
2) There will always be Problems in your life.
The Question is: What problems can you live with
as you look at the Big Picture of Your Life.
a) The problems you have Now in your marriage.
b) The problems you will acquire After your divorce.
If you are madly in love with someone else; and thinking with your
'extended member' you haven't heard a word I said.
Years ago, when the subject of divorce came up in my marriage, I
felt my body aging 20 years by the minute as if the life was
being sucked out of me.
I wrote down all the Pros and Cons while looking at the
Big Picture of my entire life.
These are the problems I have now. If I get a divorce,
these are the problems I will acquire.
Having children is the Biggest Factor. I made choices
in my Past that I could not Just Dump now. I had remembered
reading,
“.."All the world's a stage,..all men and women.. merely players..one man in his time plays many parts.."
and I decided to play a different
role with each scenario I was given along the way;
so my family could be successful as a whole; it wasn't All about ME.
Lately, my family has repeatedly "thanked" me for being there for them.
In return, they have given me equal support.”
Is It Easier To Deal With Divorce When You Made The Choice To Leave?
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