When I Was Born, God said, "What Have I Done?"

Growing up, I thought I would do the best I could, at whatever I wanted to do;
 ignoring everything else, that I thought was unimportant to learn,
if I wanted to survive. It never dawned on me that I was in competition
with other human beings who were following the rules.
That's when God said, "What have I done?"
Oh well, we can't leave out Miracles.

I remember going through
Officer's Training School (OTS) without a thought
 that it was a competition with others.  I thought I was there,
 just to see if I could crawl through the mud.
I couldn't understand why the other women in my barracks were so
thirsty for blood; my blood. Although, the majority of my
squadron were men and didn't seem to be competing with me,
 but they were.
A slight hint was given when my own
roommate said, "I knew you were going to get a demerit on that."
What? She knew and never warned me.
The woman who made the highest grade point average in the
history of OTS never warned me.  
I want to go to war with someone like that??
Guess who marched her squad into another squad, just because
she couldn't remember a little word like " Halt?" This is America.
You would have thought "Stop!" Would work.
The competitive clincher came on graduation day when some of my
classmates told me that they had made a "bet"
that I would not graduate from OTS.
I guess they never heard of miracles.

Miracles, obviously do happen for a reason.
I was meant to be where I was in life;
 in spite of, the fact,
that I did not want to be there. I am fairly sure
that Jesus Christ thought the same,
when He was nailed to the Cross.

I never studied for tests that
I thought were useless or boring to me. I never felt I needed to compete
with everyone else. 
Why would I need to know the description or launching range of
every missile made in the U.S.A?  Learning for me had to have a reason;
something I could relate to that I may use in life. No one explained
why it was important to know about missiles and I never asked.
I found out soon enough that it had to do with one's placement
in the military; an aptitude test.
My roommate became an Intelligence officer and I became an Administrator.

Common sense would have told the placement officer that I would
 have made the better Intelligence officer.
Much like an Inspector Jacques Clouseau, I would have just missed, being hit, by the incoming, non-descriptive, not ours, missile;
and, I would have been aware that my roommate, more like a James Bond,
having slept with the enemy, a 'married' competitor, had already compromised the mission. 
If she had known this bit of information, aside from missiles, she would not have been
shot, but it wasn't on the test.

Then there was the incident on the plane. Upon graduating for college,
I decided to apply for the position of a flight attendant (FT). One college date described the job to me as a "glorified waitress;" from which I replied, " If I am going to be a waitress, I might as well be 'glorified.'
Going for the interview, sitting in first class, I noticed that the FT kept ignoring me while
 she served other passengers. Having come from the South where I learned to greet everyone, as
 if, they were my long lost cousin, I was perplexed.
The Airline Executive, I just happened to be sitting with, unbeknownst to me, ordered her to serve me.
You would think it was my lucky day; after all, he was not just defending me; he was, also, young
and very nice looking, to boot.  Since I was not in competition mode, it didn't dawn on me that the FT
working, was, maybe, jealous; I was going to be a competitive force. I was younger than she, and rather
striking in those days.
It, also, didn't dawn on me that when I declined an invitation to ride with the Airline Executive to the main office from the airport, I was eliminating myself from the competition. 
When I said I had other engagements, I sounded like I was lying because I was. He nervously commented, "I wasn't going to hurt you."
I thought, obviously, it's on his mind. Maybe, not to hurt me; but, to persuade me.
Jane Seymour's infamous lines from Head Office stuck in my head. 
The scenario: It's dark. Jane is sitting behind her Executive desk.
An associate knocks on her door. He wants to engage her in some social activities. The camera scans
around the shadowy office decor, traveling up the dark silhouette of a huge imposing phallic statue. She
had just been promoted and feels the power of her position. She
declines his offer, now that she is his Superior. 

In disgust, he says, "You just want to sleep your way to the top."
She replies, "Now,  I wouldn't be much of an Executive, if I slept my way to the bottom."

This conjures up all kinds of missed opportunities.
God gave me all the essentials needed to survive; even if He forgot to tell me all the rules
of 'survival of the fittest' in competition.
Coming across as an Inspector Jacques Clouseau: seemingly clumsy and
unintelligent human being, was and is more my modus operandi.
A debonair James Bond , with his intelligence and
well - organized maneuvers would find it nearly impossible
to compete with an unpredictable, unconventional Jacques Clouseau.
Hence, for the Grace of God,  I go.