I Almost died tonight... or so I thought

My husband and I were invited out by a very charming couple whom I had not met until tonight. The man and my husband work together.

The restaurant is one of our favorite and has been in the county for years and the owners were once our neighbors back in the day when we were all poorer.
We enjoy the ambiance of being in a home setting with a group of people who are there to enjoy a 6 course meal of fine foods and wines. There is no music or crowds of people coming and going; only the quiet chatter and laughter of close friends or business associates enjoying life.
Our table is in one of the smaller rooms of the house. I am facing a couple at a small table pressed up against the wall by the door. She has an engagement ring on and they are smiling and laughing with eyes only for each other. Everyone in the room is absorbed within their little group: quietly eating, drinking and talking non-stop.

The second course arrives and I notice it's the very rare lamb, sliced in thin, small disk shapes; that is delicious, but very hard to cut because of it's rubbery texture. I think nothing of it as I struggle to cut and tear a smaller piece off.

I am hoping my cold is gone, but sometimes I feel a dryness in my throat which reminds me to drink plenty of water. I feel energize by the company and our conversation which borders on death since my lady companion deals with death in her profession. She is a therapist for people who are going through terminal illness and for people who have lost loved ones. I didn't know there is actually a therapist for death. Good thing to know when you are about to die that night.

While eating, I am always mindful of how I am eating because I have noticed on occasion when I am stressed, I will swallow my food without chewing it.  I had often wondered what I would do if I actually took a bite that I could not swallow
.....until tonight.

I had this funny feeling in my throat.  I  normally can't feel my throat until it's sore; and now, when something small is lying on it, stuck. There it was, that thinly cut piece of dry rare lamb clinging to my dry throat. It would not go down. It was like breathing with a loosely tied  noose around my neck; making me feel claustrophobic.
I didn't want to panic, yet. I quickly grabbed the first glass of liquid in front of me.
The very red wine.

My first thought: everyone at my table knows I am having a slight problem because I am not talking: big clue.
I have a distressed look on my face:  help me...maybe?.... I'm not sure. Yet !

Second thought:  they won't think anything is wrong because I am grabbing the wine, and not the water.

I point to my throat; all the while, thinking: I cannot believe this is happening to me. I feel I am reenacting the scene in Tootsie.
Unlike the movie, I don't want to make a scene, even if I die. Everything has to be prim and proper.

Obviously, I can breathe a little or I would NEVER be this calm; although I did feel an urgency since I had no idea where that piece of meat was going or if I would freak out.  I was quietly wheezing.

While I am pointing to my throat, the lady looks to my husband and quietly, but with great urgency, says, "Heimlich, Heimlich.
My husband looks startled. He has never done the Heimlich Maneuver.
Knowing the stance, I get up, first, slowly and quietly with my large cloth napkin in position to catch anything I might throw up.

My husband hesitates, still looking at our lady friend who is directing him to put his arms around me. He keeps saying to me, "Are you sure...."
I am thinking: What are you waiting for? Just do it!.

FINALLY! He reaches around me, still uncertain, and squeezes my boobs.
Holy SMOKES!  I know I'm going to die now.

I am still calm enough to direct him to squeeze LOWER, under my boobs.
All this time, I am subconsciously holding my napkin under my face, properly, so I won't make a mess on the rug or anyone else near me.

Spilling forth, I can see red liquid. I hear the lady saying, "blood, it's blood."
I am thinking: It's blood?
I don't have my glasses on, but it looks red enough.
I see the meat tidily nestled within my nice and clean large white cloth napkin and a flood of red liquid that had come out through my nose.
I am thinking the same thing the lady is thinking: I am bleeding internally and this is more serious than I think.

When someone is dying, they usually see their whole life flash before them.
I didn't see my life flash before me.
Her husband says, "it's red wine, not blood."

I neatly wrap the cloth up so it looks all white and clean without a trace of red wine. I wipe my mouth and nose.
Then I start laughing. I sit down and we all laugh and continue our conversation about death.

In between courses, during the break, the man sitting across from our table asks me if I am "O.K."  He said he was amazed at how easy and calmly we made the whole incident seem. His brother is a lifeguard and he knows about life saving techniques, but he had never seen one done.
Later, I realized that everyone in the room stopped eating when I got up. They all watched quietly until I started laughing before they preceded eating and talking as if nothing happened. The owners of the restaurant nor the servers knew anything was wrong. No one freaked out.
I asked for a clean napkin.

My Life As A Dog

What it feels like to be my dog, I wonder,
 as she falls into a warm midday slumber.
She pounces on me when she's awake
while I am trying to pay bills, for Pete's sake!
 I have to pay attention to her and stop,
 or clean up poop, swinging a wet mop.
 She insists on having me throw her balls,
 no matter how urgent my phone calls.

On a customer dinner night out,
 my husband brought her, without a doubt,
the tenderest and juiciest 3" T-Bone steak to date.  It is true.
My life as a dog, happened, while slicing a piece for her and then; one for me too.
 

Holy Smokes! I'm actually going to tell you how I voted.

I will vote to legalized state marijuana for personal use. After seeing hundreds of illegal aliens crossing the border from Mexico with bales of marijuana on their back; while thousands more are being executed by the Mexican drug cartel if they don't carry the bales; according to one Mexican who escaped execution; I would prefer my neighbors grow their own legally and cut down on Crime along the border.
Once it is legal, after a few puffs, a person will be less inclined to kill and more inclined to make love.
Yes, I know that doctors feel legalizing marijuana will only led to stronger drug use or mental illness; but if someone wants something badly enough, they will get it; that's why we have so much crime surrounding illegal drugs. 
The entire issue of using marijuana comes down to:  self-control or government control.


If the government really cared about your health, alcohol and cigarettes would be illegal.  Alcohol and cigarettes can kill; but they are also a good source of revenue for the very agency that legalizes it: our government. Once the government gets its hands on anything that is a source of income; they NEVER let it go. It would be like taking candy away from a baby....a very BIG baby.


On the 40th anniversary of Doonesbury, the creator said that he is very conservative now compared to his youthful days. I agree with that analogy in my case. Conservative, in the way of economical sanity.
As a young Democrat, I believed in voting with my emotions. Now that I am older, I vote with both my mind and heart.
My heart: for the ones who can't speak for themselves, like the dolphins and whales. 


My mind: when the National Debt is eating our retirement savings and I can't depend on the government to save the country or me. The National Debt Clock.


I am still liberal on most social issues that are backed by common sense.  Killing farm jobs in Fresno, CA by cutting off irrigation; in order, to save tiny fish for ecological purpose is not one of them.     Farm food vs. tiny fish?
     Instead of destroying jobs already in place that produce food; just create more jobs finding ways to divert the fish away from hazardous irrigation pipes. I am sure it's not rocket science. So you lose a few fish.   We lose a few people in tornadoes too.
 Nor am I in favor of the already spent 3.4 million 'stimulus' dollars to build a tunnel under the road for turtles, so they won't get killed by traffic. 
Whatever happened to the 'survival of the fittest?" The ones who learn to dodge. 
At least there will be one permanent government job created: the worker who has to guide the turtles through the tunnel.


I can hear my past, youthful voice, resounding in the voices of the youth of today. When a young   entrepreneur woman told me she refused to vote for Meg Whitman for governor of California because Whitman is against gay marriages. I asked her if she is gay.
She said, "no."
I asked her if she would rather vote on social issues rather than on economic issues? She paused for a moment, not knowing where I was going with this question. I said it's so easy when you are young to want to vote idealistically for the perfect candidate who will fulfill all your dreams, like the Wizard of Oz; only to find out later that a small person is behind the image.


For example: President Clinton created the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy for the gays in the military and Pres. Obama promised to change the policy to take the burden off the gays who service our country. Both Democrats skirted a Democratic idealistic way of life that got them voted into office. So who can you trust when you vote?


So I asked my young idealistic voter,  "if you are not gay, and you are an entrepreneur who is struggling for clients; are you going to vote for the candidate who is for gay marriage or are you going to vote for the candidate who will help your business grow?" She is still thinking.


I believe gays have a right to be married, but that is not my cause.
My cause is to vote to keep my retirement savings from being overly taxed; and to keep the government from stealing the inheritance from my daughters.
     .
       ...because governmental spending is out of control.   


The dumbest thing I ever heard on the news was a Democrat arguing in favor of Pres. Obama's decision to let the death tax expire because she believes that the children of the decreased have no rights to their parent's money..
       she believes.....it should go to the government, instead.   


I know, I had to clean out my ears, too!


           What are my guidelines for voting today?  
I voted for less taxes and less government which means no new measures that increases taxes.


I voted against transferring of taxes for one government department to another; for the same reason that our government raided, depleted and stole social security funds and used it for other than social security purposes.


I voted against a 'measure submitted to the voters" as  No. 23 which suspends pollution controls on companies until the unemployment drops to 5.5 percent or less.  
   If this 'measure' passes, unemployment will drop........from toxic fumes.


I voted for Republicans, Libertarians and Democrats who did a good job keeping my utility bills and taxes low; and I voted for candidates who will kick out the incumbents who didn't lower taxes.  
It's that simple when I consider that my daughters' inheritance has already gone to the turtles.


When I was younger, I voted, for the "Moonbeam" guy, Jerry Brown; for social justice in an idealistic world. Today I voted for Meg Whitman; for economic stability against a greedy government, even if Whitman is against some social issues.
Would you refuse to vote for George Washington or Thomas Jefferson because they owned slaves?  Life will always be full of paradoxes; so we are already screwed.


I will vote the way my forefathers would have voted to preserve the original ideals of the Constitution and Bill of Rights.  Because, even as, they owned slaves, they were as perfect as 'decision makers' could be for their Times for they created the universal laws in our Constitution to include all race and color
      for the purpose of protecting all American citizens from an over zealous government.