What a Week

It seems it's been bad news all week long continuing as normal for the past months. Not so much for my family but for our friends and the general mood of the country.
Although, our daughters seem to be progressing and getting on with their lives and we seem to be plowing away towards building our home in Montana, I keep hearing about so many friends with unexpected full blown cancer. Some will not live long; others have more hope. It is depressing to have so much sadness around us.
The most amazing part of all this sadness is the optimism of all the candidates with cancer who are living life as if they are not going to die or be ill forever.
These people really give others a feeling of eternal life; whether it be here or there.

Who Needs Friends?

I wonder why people want to be my "friend" on Face Book when they never met me? Just because I have a mutual friend with that person doesn't mean I want to be friends. It's the same as befriending someone I would meet on the street. Maybe that's why I have so few friends.  With cable TV news 24/7, we hear about all kinds of bizarre crimes, but that doesn't stop the 24/7 contacts we make with complete strangers.

It's hard to find good friends. I will never know what a good friend is until I am in trouble, or if I talk about money, religion or politics.

Unfortunately, the good friend is not the one I like the best. She is annoying and pushy.  I just want some peace from her.  I know I am a good friend to someone too; who just wants peace from me. And you know who you are. I am sure my daughters and husband count themselves among my good friends too.

It is fortunate that a supposedly good friendship falls by the wayside when an unexpected disagreement of trivial importance occurs. I say fortunate because the friendship never had the depth to endure a hardship.

Most friends tell me not to talk about politics, religion or money if I want to keep friends. That's a lie. Who wants friends who have hidden agendas or are superficial.
A friend can talk about money all they want, just keep it in their pocket; not spend it foolishly or lavishing on other friends. The superficial friends will soon leave you alone.

A friend can talk about religion all they want; just don't push it on other friends by making it the law of the land.  I am sure the augment is that one friend doesn't want the other friend to go to hell; but who's to say which one will go to hell. Although I am sure all those radical Muslims who treat women like second class citizens are going to hell.

I once heard there was no hell as God created everything, including Hitler and Satan. There is a purpose in life for even the bad guy. How can we experience the feeling of happiness when there is no comparable feeling of sadness; thus, Hitler and Satan.

I try not to take American politics too personally or hate the opposition or my friends, as I can still vote in a country governed by a ruthless and crooked government who still believes in a democracy.  Keep in mind, even Germany survived Hitler; to name only one out of many misguided rulers. As long as we have a democracy based on our Forefather's rules and regulations, we can afford to be civil to each other.

In the end when it comes to a true friend, I would like to think my dog would be here in times of trouble; but knowing her, she will run at the first sight of a cat.

Kristine's Relapse

Kristine called yesterday. The first thing she said was that she completed the application for Le Cordon Bleu online and wanted me to proof read it. She asked me if it was O.K. to send in; doubting herself. I told her it was fine.

She also informed me that she had 3 anxiety attacks. She said she felt as if her mind had gone back to that dark place where she was when she was other worldly before going to Appleton.

This time during those anxiety attacks of lost hope, she only wanted to stay in her bedroom when she was suppose to get medication.
Her voices talked to her the entire time trying to encourage her that everything will be O.K.  She didn't want to believe them and she argued with them. 

She said the doctor increased her Trilafon?  Although I don't see this drug on her list of prescriptions. I thought she was taking Fazaclo. I don't even know what I am talking about. Is she on both of these drugs?

She did say last month that she wanted to come home to get on with her life because she feels she is wasting time, getting older when she feels so good about herself now. 
Her counselor told me over the phone that she understands Kristine desire to try to get on with her life. It's only normal to want a better life.  She said that Kristine needs to control the voices in public in order to survive in the work place and she is doing very well.  I told her counselor, that of course, she will not control her voices around other zany people; what's the point. They know what she has. How crazy is it for Kristine to pretend to others at Gould Farm that she doesn't have a schizoaffective disorder?

Society knows one's insane when they act delusional; but when one pretends to be sane, society thinks it's O.K to mingle with them. I cannot help laugh because the world is so zany and I would be lock up too, if I didn't try to put it in God's perspective, instead of mine.

I guess it boils down to controlling oneself in public as a litmus test for acceptability.
Let me tell you: THAT'S not a very good litmus test for living among others.  How many serial killers have walked among us and still do, in control of themselves in public?
No matter how insane it appears, talking to ones self isn't the same thing as killing someone. So is a serial killer less insane than a schizophrenic person because he has more public control of himself?
At least a serial killer can function in the real world; another litmus test for sanity.  What was I thinking.

It's all a mind game. Supposedly sane people can play insane mind games too. Like the Madoff ponzi scheme. He even has the word "Mad" and "off" in his name. That should have been a prerequisite to madness. Don't we inherit our names from our ancestors and their profession.

Are they crazy or just considered crooks.  Surely there is something mentally "off" with crooks.

In the end we will discover that God let the insane rule the world; while the sane were locked up.

Maybe filling out the application to Le Cordon Bleu was slightly stressful for Kristine.
I think Kristine was on Zyperxa the first time she physically showed up for an interview with Le Cordon Bleu 4 years ago. She spent the entire day supervised through the school: watching cooking classes and talking to chefs. She passed the interview with flying colors. She controlled her voices so well in public; but then talked to her voices nonstop in the car on the way home; much like Dr. Saks does today.

Like Kristine, Dr. Saks, a USC graduate with schizophrenia, a different type of illness but similar, teaches law and gives seminars about her condition. She controls her voices at appropriate times. She works at the university level and survived in the so called 'real world' with this illness since high school. She was just as delusional as Kristine throughout her life experiences. She advocates  education as her survival method of coping; not being locked up, waiting it out, to see if she would become normal. That will never happen. Keeping her mind active is her sanity; no matter how crazy she appeared to others.

Kristine's doctor is now saying that Kristine can go to classes but it would be a disaster for her to live at home as she needs a place to live that has a staff support.  Naturally, I don't agree completely.
Even now when she is in a residential place she did not have the medication at her disposal and was too distressed to get it when she was in her room alone.

She never had a problem of getting her medication when visiting us at home as she had the medication on hand and she always let us know she needed it. The fact that she called us from Gould Farm which is on the other side of the States to let us know she was having relapses is a credit to her awareness and responsibility and most of all, her trust in us now. A trust that she acquired only after she was at Appleton under proper psychiatric treatment and excellent staff supervision and now she is ready to try to get on with her life as hard as that may be.

I  think the mind is so superior in it's making that humans are still at a loss to understanding it. It doesn't take much for the mind to change. When a Presidential candidate is elected and isolated from the common man on the street; he sometimes becomes paranoid or "out of touch." The same can happen to a mentally ill person who is locked up for too long.

I once heard that the difference between being called an eccentric and a crazy person; is that one is rich and the other is poor.  I think there is some truth in that. The deciding factor being society and what they will tolerate.

Yes, I know that not everyone can handle the responsibility to live beyond a institution's walls; as I have witness. Kristine works hard towards that responsibility of getting on with her life and living it to her fullest and how can I deny that for her. What is my purpose in life if not to be here to give her that support.

Going Along to Get Along

Many people ask me if I travel with my husband when he goes on business trips.
I can give you two reason I don't travel with him:  I don't do well in herds and gone are the days of chivalry.

One evening in Italy, being the only female, it became increasingly apparent to me that I was at a great disadvantage in a male herd. I say herd because the feeling seemed eerily similar to something I had seen before, but on a farm.
A herd of cows just meandering along without a leader or a plan. 

There were eight of us trying to find a place to eat.  It was August, most the best restaurants were closed because the Italians were on vacation. We wandered the streets for hours reading the menus posted by the restaurant doors.  I saw some clean, upscaled restaurants along the way that I had suggested to the group, but there was always one person who did not want to eat at that particular restaurant.
It's Italy.  It's pasta and garlic. What's the problem?  It would have been so much easier if there were a Pub on the corner.
I don't remember anyone, other than me; making suggestions. We wandered from door to door; street to alley; alley to street passing every restaurant in sight. After a long while I had another eerie feeling:  Neanderthals wandering through the wilderness. I was so ready to sit down and have a good meal and enjoy the atmosphere while it was still light enough to see what I was eating.

Several hours later, lying in the dirty oily stained gutters where the cars were parked, a zillion cigarette butts disappeared into the dark of night where the guys found the perfect restaurant for discriminating diets. The one with the dimmest outdoor menu lights. Never mind there were no more tables left; inside or outside the restaurants, the manager was thrilled for more customers and the guys were hungry enough to eat a dead cat after all of their wilderness meandering.

I didn't say a word the entire time as the waiters magically produced a table and planted it directly on the cobblestones in the gutter between two parked cars.  How romantic. It's gets better.  Nothing's too good for the Lady.  Out of the dark, two potted trees came flying through the air and rested between the car and my chair.  Presto!  I'm in heaven.

The only light offered for this Italian inspired romantic dinner was on a wall far from the gutter.  I could feel the medieval essence, wobbling in my chair in the dark wondering what I was eating.

Lucky for the owner, those two parking spots in front of his restaurant were empty when we showed up.  I kept thinking about all those fabulous restaurants we passed up, just to get to this one.

What was your question again?

Mother Nature and God?

This present "natural" occurrence of the Iceland volcanic eruption is mild compared to the other natural occurrences in history; such as Biblical parting of the sea, the '40 day' flood and the darkening of the planet by a meteorite some million years ago.

I will not call a natural occurrence a disaster unless it's deadly. Since I haven't heard of any deaths from this volcanic explosion; it can be considered an inconvenience. There may be health issues later when the ash settles, but until then; it's a warning of things to come like that greenish smokey poisonous cloud trailing down from the sky in that old movie: The Ten Commandments.

We are having a number of extraordinary snowstorms, floods, and earthquakes that are devastating in all parts of the world. The Iceland volcanic eruption is the first time in recent memory that a natural occurrence has disrupted the whole world in some way.

Mother Nature is speaking, like the parting of the sea and other natural phenomenons; but does
Mother Nature have a direct connection to God?

When only half of Congress and the White House were trying to pass the Health Care bill,
Washington D.C came to a 'standstill.' The city's worse snowstorm in recent history.

Is there a purpose in life; and therefore, a reason for Mother Nature?  Mother Nature shut down Washington D.C..  Maybe, God did not like all the corruption and hostility by legislators and the White House that is on a direct collision course with the Constitution of the United States.

The Constitution of the United States, I believe, was the act of God who brought together the greatest freedom thinkers of that time; in order to create one of the greatest countries in the world and a leader in global affairs.

Since snowstorms, floods and earthquakes did not remind our Government that they are not above God, a volcanic eruption definitely reminded the President that he can't just fly anywhere he wants; just like the Pharaoh was reminded he couldn't walk through the parting sea. 

Tying natural occurrences with God, could be my imagination or it could be a subtle hint to mankind: Do not destroy what God created.

Air Travel Advice in Volcanic ash

When the airlines think it's safe to fly after a volcanic eruption; you don't want to be on the "test flights" going out to see how the air quality is; it's best to go in the 3rd flight after the other planes have tested the air.
I learned this after listening to a pilot who was one of two planes who wanted to see the Mt Helen volcanic eruption back in the 1980's before they knew volcanic ash paralyzes the aircraft engines and the plane drops out of the sky.
 The first plane to fly to the volcano had engine problems and took a nose drive, but managed to start up the engines again before hitting the ground. He radioed the second plane about the problem and they made a detour out of the area to safer air quality.

It's not only Mother Nature calling the shots; but any information you can get about the situation.
FlyersRight.Org    877- 359 - 3776

Teabaggers and Liberals TOGETHER at LAST

Although I consider myself a Teabagger, I thought the Liberals were very creative with their signs when they infiltrated the TeaBagger's Boston Tea party this week.   In fact,   LOL  funny.

(copy and paste the full http address,  as it does not automatically beam you in) 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-best-fake-teabagger-signs-at-the-boston-common

(copy and paste the full http address,  as it does not automatically beam you in)

Sprechen Sie deutsch?

Translation: Do you speak German?

So Kathleen called her dad while he sat in Munich, Germany waiting for the volcano ash to blow over.
When her dad said, "Hello," she decided to answer with an accented voice in "fake" German.

He hung up on her.

Funny 1972 musical video "faking English language"(before it's Time: Rap or Vogue dancing) watch:  
(copy and paste the full http address,  as it does not automatically beam you in)
http://www.mitchlillie.com/blog/2009/12/16/how-to-fake-like-you-know-a-language.html  OR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcUi6UEQh00&feature=player_embedded

No Kidding, Me Too has some great new Links...

http://nkm2.org/resources/

(copy and paste the full http address,  as it does not automatically beam you in)

For mental illness awareness, I am browsing my own site again to see what's new.
I found that Tough Guy Soprano actor Joey Pantoliano's website: No Kidding Me Too has been updated to include some exciting new links that are very encouraging and helpful to the mentally ill community.

I need to find a good psychiatrist in Southern California. This looks like a good place to start.

Mental Illness: I Got a Call

I got a call from my oldest daughter who is living in Massachusetts
on a farm. She is living with mental illness and seems to be improving day by day. The miracle drug for her is Clozapine when all else failed.

She is always in a good mood these days; always thinking about coming home, but unlike her feelings from the past, she speaks with some caution. In the past, she never wanted to stay in Massachusetts. She feels she is a California girl. This is the first time I heard her say she is very happy where she is because she feels sane and she doesn't want to pop that bubble. She is more aware of her illness and her vulnerability. She is glad to be coming home in July; but she is not ready to come home today. She fears that this feeling of sanity that feels so good will disappear if she leaves the place where she acquired this new feeling.

I have always had the same concerns about her coming home to California. The environment for the mentally ill in the Los Angeles area is very hostile.
I feel she is better off living in Massachusetts; if only because I feel the psychiatrists in Massachusetts are more in tune to Kristine's problem and extremely helpful in getting Kristine back to where she can be productive and happy.

I do worry about the bad vibes of the Los Angeles area. I started believing in bad vibes after visiting San Francisco a few times. Something strange happens to me that makes me think it's not a good place for me; just like bad things happen to Kristine whenever she was in Los Angeles.  Although I know it's the mental illness in combination to the environment.  I believe any environment plays a large role in one's sanity. Coming back to a place that has bad feelings will be a test.

I am glad to hear her say that she wants to get on with her life in a positive way by dropping all those so-called friends from her past who were not there for her.  She often chose her friends unwisely and I am hoping she has the wisdom to be more selective; although most people have trouble choosing friends that are loyal. Today in this rat race, we tend to gravitate more and more to superficial friends because we don't take the time to get to really know anyone.

She is nervously awaiting a written test that she will be taking for the Le Cordon Bleu school this Friday. The California school is sending the exam to her counselor in Massachusetts so she won't have to wait until July to take it.  She wants to be in the August classes.  One thing I can say about
Le Cordon Bleu; they are extremely aggressive. It's good Kristine knows this and is cautious. This is their third attempt to try to get Kristine into their school. In the past, Kristine told them she was not quite ready to start. She was only interviewing, not applying.  She still has some anxiety and she is not afraid to let them know.

It's been very pleasant to talk to her. She is always so grateful for every encouraging, loving word we have for her. She seems down to earth and not so overly excited with grandiose ideas. She is only focused on taking that exam and keeping her wits about her.

Her guardian angels are watching over her and have kept her from harm numerous times or she would not be here today.
It's not a miracle.  It's just Life taking a toll on a soul and a human desire to live.

A Good Day to Shop

How would I know this is a good day to shop? Hopefully everyone else is someplace else working on their taxes this April 14th day.  You would think I would be too since we owe the government money. REALLY!!!! Those Crooks!

Every day I worry about breaking the law and going to jail and our government makes the laws to protect themselves and then breaks all the other laws that our forefathers put in place.

I already turned in my taxes and paid the bill and I am so happy to do so.

There was a time when I looked forward to getting a check from the government at tax time. As if they were my savings account and holding the money for me when I needed it. Today I know that was a dumb thought.

A few years ago when we ended up paying a very large sum of money to the government, our tax adviser didn't think it was a good idea to owe so much money to the government at tax time; so he advised us to use monthly vouchers to prepay our taxes. I thought that was a worse idea of having to "prepay taxes."  I bitched every time I wrote out a check. Finally towards the end of the year when I looked at the W-2 form, I calculated that we paid enough and maybe too much, so I stopped paying on the vouchers; against the advise of my tax guy and our financial adviser.  I said that I don't need any more advise. I am fed up paying taxes.

The following year, due to the prepaid tax vouches, we thought, we did not pay any taxes and the government owed us. But what was not calculated in the tax returns monies to us on our Tax Form were the over payments we had made on the vouchers.  Evidently, the prepaid tax vouchers and the payroll taxes aren't put in the same piggy bank account. The government kept our voucher tax money for a full year until the following year when the government's stimulus bill took affect.  Our tax adviser had no clue the government owned us back taxes until we got a check 'out of the blue' with a statement from the government saying they have no clue why they have our money.

That's a scary thought, but why am I surprised. Didn't the government audit say the IRS is in a mess.

Since 'Geithner, Daschle, Nancy Killefer, Congressmen Eliot Engel to mention only a few of Obama's favorite tax cheats were all excused, so far, from going to jail. They not only avoided paying taxes, they lied on their tax forms. That would be fraud.
This is setting a 'precedence' for bad behavior that will not go away because this is the new Hope and CHANGE.....Change being what's left in my pocket after tax day.

What was I saying about going 'shopping?"

The tech World

There are times when I marvel at the world of technology as I don't understand how it works, I just go with the flow.

Earlier today I got a message from my daughter in San Francisco who called me from her cell phone as she was leaving her apartment to look at another apartment at 4 PM.
Prior to leaving, she had E-mailed me the pictures of the apartment. I thought it looked rather old.  She had also said that she had gotten some weird text messages from the landlord in response to her inquiry; as if the person were on drugs. From the E-mail pictures there was a moon and other trinkets nailed to the patio wall.  I thought it could be a hippie pad.  I would know having lived in the 60's; and it is San Francisco.

I didn't worry about it then; until she didn't answer her cell phone after she had seen the apartment.  My first thought was that she was murdered or kidnapped by the landlord.

Around 8:30 PM California time, I get a call from Kim who is in France and just getting up for work around 5:30 AM. I let him know I am concerned about Kathleen not calling me. While talking to Kim on his cell, I get a 'call waiting' beep.  I tell Kim to 'hold' while I take this call, as it could be Kathleen.

The caller said, "Hi Mom, I'm still alive. I'm not dead. I'm in class and that's why I didn't call you back. Dad just texted me to say you were concerned that you didn't hear from me."
I said, "O.K. Thanks. Your dad's on hold."

From Yorba Linda to San Francisco, CA  to France and back again within seconds,  all is well.

Mental Illness Awareness

I know this is high on your list of things to think about today.  Just kidding. It will be high on my list when Kristine comes home to live with us in July.

We are thrilled she is improving each day. She is looking forward to coming home and going to Le Cordon Bleu culinary classes in Pasadena, CA in August. She is pushing to get there. She always has a goal.

Kim and I are so grateful to Dr. Robert Irvin and Mary Gormely of Appleton, McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA for taking Kristine at a time when we were completely at a loss of what to do. You will see references to places below this page where Kristine stayed to get better. 

It does make a big difference where you go and who are your psychiatrists; just like it makes a difference with any family doctor or specialist you seek for the best care. There are so many psychiatrists and mental institutions and not all of them have your best interest at heart; or they are not trained properly. Either way you lose. The help Kristine received was the best for her and for us.

Speaking of 'mental illness awareness' that was the last thing we thought of when Kristine became ill.

Early Monday Morning

It poured rain last night. It woke me up at 3:33 AM.  Half thinking and half dreaming, I could only think about the sprinklers going on in a few hours and all that wasted water; but it's also, a long trip down the stairs into the garage just to make an eighth of an inch movement from the "On" to the "OFF" positions.

 And people think I have an easy life.

That's not half as bad as the other night when I was sitting on the tiolet and a spider fell into my lap.
I won't get into the scene, although it woke Kim up from a dead sleep and all he could hear was a lot of  banging around noise.

Just getting started

My first lesson is to save what I write as if I never learned that on E-mail.

Kim is in Eze, France and just read my first Blog. He thinks I should lighten up. LOL
He feels I should post our Kerry House Blog from the builders of our new Montana home in progress.
A typical engineer's view point of entertainment: a dirt hole being dug.  For all you engineers: this one's  for you. Don't hold your breath as we still haven't signed our builder's contract as yet, although they are so eager to get started, they broke ground.

http://kimkerryhome.blogspot.com/

For the rest of us above ground thinkers, I will redirect your attention elsewhere.

Hold that thought....

My first utterance from a bird's eye view

I just got a call from my oldest daughter who lives on the other side of the States. She is going through mentally ill awareness. She is doing a great job of getting back into the real world with the help and support of numerous professional people and her family. She is finally coming home.

She was diagnosed with a schizoeffective disorder. I guess it's a way of saying she is not what she appears to be. Having the symptoms of being bipolar and schizophrenia.

Yesterday I spoke with my youngest daughter who is living up North from us, going to school. We talked at length about the changing rules of getting an education or a job. If her school is constantly changing guidelines for graduating, leaving the students in limbo, making it harder to graduate within a reasonable time: get a career related job before graduating. How can one do that and be qualified. One of her friends left school for a paid internship who was well qualified to work in the industry of advertising. There were no guarantees that the company would keep him on the job; so now he is moving across country looking for another means of livelihood to keep afloat through the country's political and financial chaotic brain dead solutions of economic job growth.

Can't the U.S Government look at historical financial depressions, recessions, inflation and get a Clue? There should be, but will Never be a law that protects U.S citizens from elected officials who break the laws of the Constitution. They don't go to jail for destroying the Common Wealth of these United States.

So I am torn apart from all sides: my daughter's over all well-being in relationship to the chaos of the governing body over all of us.

Even the Earth is quaking at the thought of how destructive humans are to each other and to themselves.
 And to stay above the rumblings, I seek the high ground of a bird's view.